Becoming pregnant and envy

Have you ever believed that if others get pregnant this means it will be harder for you?  A while back a student of mine, Rose, spoke to me about her best friend Kerry who was pregnant. ‘I know I should be happy for her, but I’ve been trying for the last three years and it happened for her straight away. I have PCOS and I know it’s going to be harder for me, but now when I see her it’s like a gaping wound. I know it sounds crazy but I feel that now she’s pregnant, I never will be. I’m going to have to be supportive of her over the next 9 months as her belly grows bigger and I wish it was mine. I just can’t bare it.’

It’s so common to feel this way as you try and conceive. We know it’s irrational but we just can’t help it. It’s as if we feel that happiness is rationed and that if someone else has success or luck then there is a little less out there for you. Their luck shows your lack of it. Can you relate? I know I can. When we believe that there isn’t enough to go round we cling to what’s ours and resent those who have something that we wish for ourselves.

Letting go

When working out the best way ahead let go of any ‘shoulds’ as in ‘I should be glad for Kerry being pregnant’. Try not to give yourself a hard time and be realistic about your own capabilities because it’s at this very moment (when you know you’re not acting from your highest self), to give yourself break and send yourself some kindness and compassion. When you learn to love yourself not despite your failings but because of them acceptance happens. Reframing your thoughts to believe that when others have good luck this means that it’s possible for you to have some too, opens yourself up to possibility. Trust that in the great scheme of good things you will be next. Until then breathe out, let go and allow their good vibes to flow over you till it’s your turn.

Techniques for creating calm

Try this simple but powerful tool to let go of frustration and bring yourself back to your calm centre: Close your eyes and place your hands on your heart. Breathe from the belly, through the nose. Breathe in for 2 counts and out for 4 counts. Do this 5 times.

Next, as you inhale say to yourself ‘I breathe in calm’. Visualise fresh energy filling every cell, revitalising and restoring your whole body as you breathe in. As you breathe out say to yourself ‘I let go’. Focus on the ‘o’ part of the word ‘go’ and take it to the end of your breath ‘gooooo’. Visualise frustration, sadness, anger, leaving your body as you do this. Repeat this mantra 5 times. Release tension that isn’t serving you. Let it go and notice how you feel.

Melinda Rushe, Mama of twins, IVF Veteran and a Fertility Yoga Teacher & Coach. Her Yoga for Fertility 4 week Online Course is designed to help you manage stress, release fear and find calm at this key time in your life. You will learn simple stress relief breathing techniques and poses to release anxiety, and mindset classes to increase positivity as you can keep going towards your goal of becoming a mother. Go to: or find her on or